A good relationship is not based on “chemistry” or infatuation or “feeling good”. Rather it is based on love put into actions. Here are three keys to a good relationship:
- Learn to meet the other person’s core emotional needs according to the way the other person needs it, and not according to how we think the other person’s needs should be met. Acts 20:35 says it is more blessed to give than to receive.
- Resolve all conflicts with gentleness, calmness, and love even when it is hard and painful. Anger adds on a secondary fuel to further ignite the pain of the conflict. Resolve them quickly by learning to speak the truth in love with kindness. Unresolved conflicts leave roots of bitterness, which becomes the seed of falling out of love. Ephesians 4:25-27 shows us a clue to Satan’s sword, which is bitterness. Bitterness is the tool that Satan uses to slowly poison our hearts with hidden hurts that eventually destroy loving relationships.
- Deal with our own sins, schemas, fears, and guilt, which hinders us from the willingness to give love by meeting the other core emotional needs, and to resolve conflicts and hurts in our hearts. Avoidance to repent of our own issues is the all too easy way to escape from temporary pain. This avoidance, however, leads to regrets which doubles up our pain in the long run. Romans 7:14-25 says that it is so hard for us to be willing to change even when we want to. Only through Christ and obeying His words can we be truly free from this bondage of sin and shame.